What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
What does it mean
when a man is in your bed
gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do only 10% of men
make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why do men like smart
and thin women?
Opposites attract.
How do men
exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man
to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How does a man
show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one
How many men does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
ONE.
He just holds it up there
and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What's a man's idea
of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way
to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the smartest thing
a man can say?
"My wife says..."
Why are all dumb blonde jokes
one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why did God create man
before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have
a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do black widow spiders
kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play
on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do men
need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why does it take 100 million sperm
to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop
and ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker
for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already here.
Trustworthy.
What does it mean
when a man is in your bed
gasping for breath and calling your name?
You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
Why do only 10% of men
make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Why do men like smart
and thin women?
Opposites attract.
How do men
exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
How do you get a man
to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes.
How does a man
show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one
How many men does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
ONE.
He just holds it up there
and waits for the world to revolve around him.
What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
What's a man's idea
of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
What's the best way
to force a man to do sit ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.
What's the smartest thing
a man can say?
"My wife says..."
Why are all dumb blonde jokes
one liners?
So men can understand them.
Why did God create man
before woman?
Because you're always supposed to have
a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Why do black widow spiders
kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why do jocks play
on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
Why do men
need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why does it take 100 million sperm
to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop
and ask for directions.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker
for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already here.
0 comments:
Post a Comment