Triangular sandwiches
taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party
there is always a girl crying.
One of the most awkward things
that can happen in a pub is when
your pint-to-toilet cycle
gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
You're never quite sure
whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's
has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator.
Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife
makes you feel really manly.
You're never quite sure
whether it's against the law or
not to have a fire in your back garden.
Nobody ever dares
make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look
when eating a banana.
Its impossible to describe
the smell of a wet cat.
Prodding a fire with a stick
makes you feel manly.
Rummaging in an overgrown garden
will always turn up a bouncy ball.
You always feel a bit scared
when stroking horses.
Everyone always remembers
the day a dog ran into your school.
The most embarrassing thing you can do
as schoolchild is to call
your teacher mum or dad.
The smaller the monkey
the more it looks like it would kill you
at the first given opportunity.
Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
Every bloke has, at some stage while
taking a pee, flushed half
way through and then raced against the flush.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
It's impossible to look cool
whilst picking up a Frisbee.
Driving through a tunnel
makes you feel excited.
You never ever run out of salt.
Old ladies can eat more than you think.
You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
There's no panic like the panic
you momentarily feel
when you've got your hand
or head stuck in something.
No one knows the origins
of their metal coat hangers.
Despite constant warning,
you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is
wearing socks and
stepping on an upturned plug.
People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
You've turned into your dad
the day you put aside a thin piece
of wood specifically to stir paint with.
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
Bricks are horrible to carry.
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit;
Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.
taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party
there is always a girl crying.
One of the most awkward things
that can happen in a pub is when
your pint-to-toilet cycle
gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
You're never quite sure
whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's
has entered the digits 55378008
into a calculator.
Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife
makes you feel really manly.
You're never quite sure
whether it's against the law or
not to have a fire in your back garden.
Nobody ever dares
make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look
when eating a banana.
Its impossible to describe
the smell of a wet cat.
Prodding a fire with a stick
makes you feel manly.
Rummaging in an overgrown garden
will always turn up a bouncy ball.
You always feel a bit scared
when stroking horses.
Everyone always remembers
the day a dog ran into your school.
The most embarrassing thing you can do
as schoolchild is to call
your teacher mum or dad.
The smaller the monkey
the more it looks like it would kill you
at the first given opportunity.
Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
Every bloke has, at some stage while
taking a pee, flushed half
way through and then raced against the flush.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
It's impossible to look cool
whilst picking up a Frisbee.
Driving through a tunnel
makes you feel excited.
You never ever run out of salt.
Old ladies can eat more than you think.
You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
There's no panic like the panic
you momentarily feel
when you've got your hand
or head stuck in something.
No one knows the origins
of their metal coat hangers.
Despite constant warning,
you have never met anybody who has had
their arm broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is
wearing socks and
stepping on an upturned plug.
People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
You've turned into your dad
the day you put aside a thin piece
of wood specifically to stir paint with.
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
Bricks are horrible to carry.
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit;
Wisdom is not putting
it in a fruit salad.
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